We are working our way through Feminine Appeal, the book I’ve challenged you to read along with me, as I lead the ladies of my church through a once-a-month study. We are studying the seven virtues of a godly wife and mother, as found in Titus 2, and following the mandate (even if virtually) to mentor and be mentored. Please join in! Comment or link up from your blog at the bottom of the post!
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“If Paul exhorted Titus to have the older women teach the young women how to love their husbands, we can assume this love is not something that happens spontaneously. Loving our husbands–as biblically defined–is a learned response through the grace of God.” (p. 37)
Most of us don’t think of love as something that should be difficult; it’s a feeling, we’re told, isn’t it? That is, until we find ourselves deep in the years of “for better or for worse” and giddy feelings of love no longer bubble over, and we realize that love is much more than a feeling; it is a choice. How fitting, then, it is that Paul would exhort wives to love their husbands with a phileo love–a love that is affectionate, tender, and passionate.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve got the serving part down–the laundry and his favorite dinners–but I can sometimes miss blessing The Preacher altogether, by simply failing to communicate that I enjoy him, that I like him, that he is attractive to me. Oh how much my husband needs and desires my affection and not just my service!
Why, then, do we lose those tender thoughts and actions toward our husbands?
“The answer is very simple: Sin destroyed my tender love.” (p. 38)
“If we find that our affection for our husband is waning or has subsided altogether, then we do not need to look any further than our own hearts. Where sin is present, warm affection dissipates. Anger, bitterness, criticism, pride, selfishness, fear, laziness–all vigorously oppose tender love. This love cannot survive in a heart that harbors sin.” (p. 38)
Convicting, right?
Author Carolyn Mahaney encourages us to examine our hearts, to focus on our husbands’ strengths, to prioritize them, and to show them tender love through a joyful pursuit of cherishing them. May we turn our conviction to action; our selfishness to obedience; our weariness to vigor–through Christ and for Christ alone!
So…
How can you pursue a phileo kind of love towards your husband?
What sinful patterns steal your affectionate love and tender thoughts of him?
What are some creative ways we can cherish our husbands?
Join in! Leave a comment, or write a post in response to this chapter on your own blog and link up below (by the little blue frog!) You have until the end of the week to link up!
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Hey there Ruth, I love what you are saying here–at first I thought you had the wrong type of love listed, I was expecting to see Agape! So the fact that you mentioned the affection type love out of the 5 different loves, struck me. I think you are right, we have agape love down pretty good, but phileo seems to get lost along the way….so thank you reminding me of this type of love and perspective.
Gina, the “phileo” threw me off at first too! Did you know that husbands are exhorted to love us with…you guessed it–an “agape” love. Isn’t that interesting; the very areas in which each struggle to love naturally.
It’s been a bit of a rough week…I’m just now catching up in the blog world! Thanks for doing this…I’m encouraged already!
Thanks for linking up, Abby! I love hearing your thoughts…
I think I may be off a month on the chapters as I’ve only made it through chapter 1. Regardless, thank you for hosting this read-a-long. I’ve danced around this book for years and I’m glad to finally commit to it. I really enjoyed chapter 1 and am looking forward to addressing the chapter on my husband’s needs next.
Some things that really hit home to me about chapter 1 (I hope you don’t mind that I’m going back):
1. I just wrote a note to a woman who has become a mentor to me over the last few months. I shared with her that I have been praying for a couple years for a woman to come into my life who would mentor me for Christ’s sake. I thanked her.
2. It was so timely to read these same longings in the first chapter. Caroline writes, “I longed for this kind of help and instruction in my early years of marriage and motherhood. I earnestly desired to have a more experienced, godly woman to whom I could go for advice.” I’m not exactly in my early years (married 12 years w/ 3 children), but it doesn’t diminish the need.
3. While the relationship that is growing between this woman and myself is in its early stages and I long for something deeper. This will come in time. Mentoring can come in so many different ways (like gracelaced here has also become to me). My God heard my cry and He is faithful to provide.
I look forward to the next installment!
Michelle
Michelle, Thank you so much for this thoughtful comment post. Wouldn’t it be so wonderful if we could be “real life” friends as well?
I’m so so encouraged to hear that you have a Titus 2 relationship budding in your life. I pray that you will be richly blessed! Do you find that the older generation of women is conspicuously missing from the mentoring scene in the local church? That has been my experience, and I pray our generation can make a difference in the years to come.
I would love to be real life friends! You have shared so many things through the years to which I relate or in some way struggle. Perhaps some earthly day, definitely some heavenly day!
In a prior church we attended, I found the mentoring moderately good. It is definitely missing from our current church, but I believe there are several extraneous reasons for that. I think it depends on the emphasis placed on it within the church, the church culture, and each population. Regardless, I certainly hope our generation can carry on the torch, particularly as it will affect our daughters (and sons).
Blessings to you, Friend.
I think you are totally right about the emphasis thing. We all need reminders that Paul and Timothy were Paul and Timothy because they had a Paul or a Timothy in their lives.
This post really spoke to me as I struggle with showing my husband the ‘phileo’ love he so desires. I’m going to download the book onto my Kindle and join the discussion! Thanks, Ruth!
So glad you are joining in, Angie!