Ahh, yes. Self-control. It’s that virtue we find so admirable in another, yet so elusive in one’s own life. And yet, the Bible tells us that the Spirit produces it in us–that it is a fruit of the Spirit’s work in our lives! Self-control is elusive when we seek to muscle our way into righteous living. Instead, it is obtainable when we, by Grace, “keep in step with the Spirit.”
“Therefore, if Scripture requires self-control from every Christian, it is obviously attainable by every Christian…whenever God gives a command, He also provides this grace to obey it.” (p. 64)
This 4th chapter in Feminine Appeal, by Carolyn Mahaney, was once again a call to a biblical perspective, one where self-control is welcomed as safety rather than loathed as restricting.
“A man without self-control is like a city broken and left without walls.” (Proverbs 25:28)
“When we recognize self-control as the virtue that spares us from sin’s negative consequences, we will welcome it eagerly as our friend.” (p. 67)
Of the five areas she discusses in light of self-control: eating, sleeping, thoughts, feelings, and meeting with God, I personally resonated most with the area of capturing our thoughts. It’s so easy to allow your mind to go down a sinful path or pattern of thought, isn’t it? I love what Martin Lloyd-Jones said, as quoted in this chapter:
“Most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself.” (p. 74)
How true in my life, and perhaps yours! Our family’s been memorizing Psalm 103 to help train ourselves with this very thing: to speak to our souls when we are tempted to forget why we praise Him.
Bless the Lord, O my soul, and all that is within me, bless His holy name.
Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget none of His benefits;
Who heals all your diseases;
Who redeems your life from the pit,
Who crowns you with lovingkindeness and compassion;
Who satisfies your years with good things, so that your youth is renewed like eagle.-Psalm 103:1-5
You’ve heard my heart before about discipline in my time in the Word. I continue to strive for consistency, excellence, and self-control in this area, as time with the Lord clearly affects all other areas of self-control!
As we grow as Titus 2 women, and in particular, in the area of self-control, we must remember this: that it is not self-control that is our highest goal; it is worship of Christ. Our efforts to live godlier lives, to be more disciplined, to be more guarded by self-control, are all efforts that, as the byproduct of sanctification, leads us to the Cross, not away from it. Our greatest diligence in self-control, in itself, is ove no value to commend us to the Lord. Apart from Christ, it is but another form of self-righteousness. In Christ, the fruit of self-control can be freeing and joy. Let us strive as we perceive that it is the Lord at work in us. Let us put off and put on as we grow in our delight in the Savior.
How about you? Are you desiring change in this area in your own life?
If you read this chapter with us, please leave a comment and let me know what you are learning, or if you’ve written a post about it, please link up with this post below! The link-up will be open for a week!
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I really love this book so far, mainly because it has already affected some of the decisions I have made lately. I haven’t commented yet, but out of the first 2 chapters I was challenged once again to make sure I was putting my relationship with my husband before my relationship with my kids. My kids can only benefit from their mommy and daddy’s relationship being strong.
Out of chapter 4, I am like you. I struggle with the area of thoughts more than the rest. Satan can really discourage me with lies I tell myself. My take away from this chapter was the quote you mentioned above: “Most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself instead of talking to yourself.” I must be conscious to speak truth to myself and that would obviously come directly out of your time spent with God. I also liked that it made you think of self-control as something very positive.
Just as a side note, Ouch! for those of us who are night owls. That quote was harsh, lol! I got the point though. I think you can be a night owl if you keep it in check. I get a lot accomplished for my family after my kids go to sleep and I get up in time to make them breakfast!
Shelley, I totally agree that that quote about staying up late was harsh and perhaps too assuming. I think the issue is ultimately not WHAT TIME we go to bed, but whether we are prioritizing the right things. It is indeed “selfish” and “lazy” if we indulge in activities that ultimately only benefit our desires, but take us away from serving our families. I, too, do much work after the kids go to bed! Thanks for your insight, Shelley!
I also have knock out drag out fights with my thoughts and feelings on a regular basis. Our feelings and our thoughts are not authoritative…they should not govern our actions, unless they are grounded in joy and truth. In a previous Biblestudy, the author pointed out that in order to be like Christ, we must be filled with grace and truth. How do we ensure or thoughts and feelings towards ourselves and others is full of grace and truth? God has equipped us with the greatest spiritual weapons around…the Holy Spirit was the first that came to mind. “He is our Advocate, Defender, Helper, Comforter, Counselor, a representative of Christ, a Teacher, and the One who constantly reminds us of truth.” When Hannah went before the Lord in prayer with her anguish and sorrow, she left completely different. Mahaney points out that Hannah had a heart change, even though her prayer had not been answered immediately. Do we allow the Holy Spirit to work in our hearts allowing us to experience the joy and peace that comes with having a heart change?
Thank you for guiding us through this study…I am learning more each time I read Titus 2 and open Feminine Appeal.
Rebecca, it is so good to hear your thoughts. Self control is a fruit of the Spirit, and so often we fail to see that we may be struggling to see that fruit in our lives when we are not walking in the Spirit but striving in our own strength. Hannah ultimately found joy and peace–not because there was a change in her circumstances–but when there was a heart change. Such a good reminder.
I have been amazed at how simply “talking to myself” and reminding myself of God’s word can almost immediately change my direction when I am heading down a path of unthankfulness or worry. Something as simple as reminding myself that even if I wasn’t dealing with a certain issue or hardship, that alone would not make me happy. Only Christ can bring me true joy and fulfillment and it is often through a hardship that I am brought into deeper joy.
Yes…talking to myself has kept me from wandering down many a dark road in my mind. Praise the Lord!