These peonies are from a new friend I met through this blog. I received these in person…
Blogging and social networking is a peculiar part of the current ethos. Whereas relationship was once about sitting down over lunch with another person, friendship is now accessible through the written word, through blogging, through “likes” and comments. It could be argued that relationships formed online can be like pen pals of “old”…but with the airmail bird tweeting and instant messaging back and forth throughout a day. Some might consider these relationships disingenuous, lacking the substance of relationships in one’s immediate circle and community. Still some, while in a season of being closely tied to home with young children, may find great community and encouragement with likeminded folks found through blogs and forums. Regardless of where you land on the spectrum, each one of us is connected at some level to relationships via the internet.
These are some of my convictions and how you might consider your time building friendships online:
1. Friendships are relational and not informational.
Simply observing someone’s life doesn’t make you friends. It’s a friendship when there is a connection through engaging about mutually meaningful aspects of life. Inherent in any friendship is communication and exchange. People’s lives are abundantly accessible in our day and age…but that doesn’t mean that we actually know or understand one another better, truly. It takes walking with someone to really know their stride and the road they are on. This can absolutely happen through online friendships (I’ve met some wonderful friends through the blog!) but it’s limited when you only see one side of a person’s life.
2. Online relationships cannot replace real life investment within the church.
If online relationships and connections to others was simply made through the books we read and the podcasts we watch, then there really wouldn’t be any need for the church. But we are meant to be in community, locally. Intimately. Vulnerably. Intentionally. Real people have real struggles, real idiosyncrasies, real conflicts, real sin. It’s difficult to truly carry one another’s burdens if we are not living life on life in real time.
3. Providing a meal does matter.
Serving one another in real life relationships takes sacrifice. It sometimes requires rearranging a schedule, setting aside money, doing someone else’s dishes, visiting at the hospital, taking a dinner when someone is in need. Love shown through kind words and faithful prayers are absolutely real acts of love, but caring for physical needs and tangible acts of service are the privilege of real life relationships.
4. Online relationships should serve to encourage us to be more present, not less.
If you find that you’re more apt to sit in front of the computer for hours rather than invite a friend over for a visit, you are probably experiencing some imbalance here! There is blessing through online encouragement–whether it be through trusted sites of favorite pastor-teachers, or through a cherished blog–but that nourishment should always point us toward greater faithfulness in the life the Lord’s give us–right where we are in real life. Not the life we wish we had. Not the life someone else has. Not the life we hope to have someday…but faithful in the very people and circumstances of our daily lives.
…I had the unique privilege of welcoming a new blog friend into my home. We had visited one another’s blogs long before either of us realized that she and her family recently moved to the city I live in. We were pleasantly surprised to discover that we were in each other’s community. She and two of her little ones came over for breakfast and a visit. How natural it feels to begin a friendship when you already know little pieces of each other’s lives. And yet, no photograph or video blog can truly capture a person’s laugh, personality, or way with their kids. It is a privilege to be real life friends. To pair a thought read with a life shared. To remember a struggle described in the light of a trial disclosed. To observe more than sweet images of one’s children, but to see a real mom in action.
Each relationship in life is purposeful and significant in unique ways. All true friendships require time, energy, and vulnerability. For those of us who make a home online, let’s cultivate those relationships wisely…nurturing the ones that spur us on, but planting ourselves intentionally within our real life communities.
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Excellent post with some great insights and convictions. Balance is so important! Thanks for this.
Balance is certainly the key, Jen! There is a place for both kinds of relationships for sure!
All excellent points, Ruth. Willing Cook and I used to have a lot of face time. Then children started being born. Then the children started going to school. Then, the list goes on and on and on. We’ve been able to keep up online and through text and sharing photos, lately. It’s a nice way to stay connected, but you’re right…the in-person fellowship coffee on the deck time is required sometimes, too.
My sis-in-law lives a state away, and I really do miss our face time.
I wouldn’t make it without our blogs! However, when we get together…it’s really the best!
Love this! I have been struggling with this issue lately and recently decided to cancel my FB account. All my friends think I’m crazy because I can’t really explain this to them in a way to make them understand needing to step back. I’m so glad you were able to put it into perspective like this!
Thanks for another great post.
Noelle, I completely resonate with the struggle, and the need for perspective. I so appreciate you being here!
In this season of life where most of my friends are homeschooling little ones, it is so very hard to get face time! So I’m thankful for the little connection that blogs bring (especially with out of town friends and family), but it is not the same. It’s a reaI struggle to make intentional time and I fear the years will only get busier.
Renee–I so get it! I’ve found and continue to find such a treasure in my online friends and blog friends. There is a great draw to being in relationship that is convenient and not demanding time-wise. I feel like I’ve been perpetually pregnant or home napping a baby. Computer provide a simple solution for community, but truly can’t be a substitute. I think that as the little ones get older (I have a 10 yr old now!)…time changes again, and making friends becomes family inclusive and about growing families up together. There is hope!
I longed for deep sister-friends (sisters in Christ) for the first 10 years of our marriage. For the last 3 years, I have experienced the fruit of God’s blessed answer to my prayer. Within the last month, 2 of these blessed families have announced that they are moving half-way across the country, in opposite directions. They have been in a state of grief, all the while knowing that this is the will of God for their lives right now. I can see that online friendship is going to become a much greater, albeit somewhat sad, presence in my relationship with my sister-friends in the near future. But what the Lord has built, He will not tear assunder. They are my forever sister-friends.
On the flip side, I appreciate your words here. They are so true. I only follow a few blogs regularly and it would be such a blessing to someday meet these ladies. You, my dear Ruth, have become one of those online friends over the past few years. If I never meet you in this land, I can’t wait for our meeting in Canaan.
I’d give my greatest sister-friend hugs right now if I could
(Okay, I may be a little gushy in my comment today
)
Michelle, I needed “gushy” today.
Thank you for warming my heart! We have been friends through this blog for a long long time…I still think of you as MCA. Ha! I may have mentioned it before, but one of these days, I really hope to have a GraceLaced Retreat, where my most faithful readers are invited to come stay at my house for a relaxing weekend. I have it all mapped out in my mind! 
I’m happy to buy my plane ticket today
What joyous, incredible, beautiful fun that would/will be! Be blessed today, my sister-friend!
You may be hearing from me!
Such a well-written post and such a great reminder.
I agree with much of your points. With having two little girls at home, and a husband who is deployed, the computer does really act as a way for me to “connect” and “socialize.” But, it’s also important to make time for “real-life” people, as you said. But, I am so thankful for encouraging blogs/people via internet to help me not feel so separated while at home.
I agree, Jenny. The internet has completely changed the lives of military spouses, missionaries, and people who are separated from loved ones. It is truly a blessing! I definitely do not mean to belittle online relationships or blog friendships, but to take into consideration whether I’m “living” online or “living” within my oikos. My personal convictions have stemmed from a desire to blog with integrity and not neglect my community of relationships.
Your delicious omelet and #4′s sweet smile has been on my heart all week. As much as I enjoy your blog, I am going to enjoy getting to know you in real life even better! Until soon dear Ruth…next time, we dine over Juk!
How true! This is a wonderful post, Ruth!!! I have personally met one of my dearest friends through the blogging world, Skyped with her several times, but nothing compares to truly being able to connect with another “kindred spirit” in person. I’ve been blessed with the opportunity to do so with my certain friend a few times now, and I thank the Lord everyday for her. Yet it is true to definitely have a balance of spending time in fellowship with “real” friends.
Grace, I absolutely agree that sometimes we find the most kindred of spirits through genuine connection online! I’m so thankful for those bonds that carry through to eternity!
I loved this, friend.
And I think of you as just that.
A friend.
From afar, which I wish lived closer…..
Indeed, Rachel. I’m looking forward to growing our friendship!