You know how it is when you are trying to get out the door with the kids.
“Where’s your other flip flop?”
“I need someone to put away the dogs!”
“What’s this mess on the table? Get this cleaned up, quick!”
“Can someone PLEASE pick up the toys on the stairs before we leave?!”
“Why can’t I count on you guys to get your jobs done!?!”
These and other orders are often barked out to the boys as I frantically run around the house to collect stuff, more stuff…and oh, the kids, as we head out the door. The littles horse around and end up in an argument over who hit who. I get stinkin’ mad frustrated, and raise my voice even louder in hopes of getting full compliance.
We finally all make it to the car (1, 2, 3, 4…and 5. Good, got ‘em all!) and I’m deflated and discouraged as a mom; the kids are annoyed and uninspired. I keep the car in “park” and turn around to say, “I’m sorry, boys.”
Clarity so often comes after the fact! This is what I come back to again and again:
1. If I’m stressed and raise my voice, my kids only hear my tone, not my words.
2. Explicit instructions = action; Random barking = guilty confusion
3. You may think you’re saving time by running around while yelling; but, calling the kids together for a team huddle usually proves much.more.efficient.
4. Obedience motivated by joy > obedience motivated by fear.
That is all. Lesson learned. And now, I pass it on to you:
Stop, Drop, and…
Look your kids in the eye and lower your voice.
Praise God, He’s not through with us yet, friends!
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YES! Great reminder. Shepherd is actually helping me with this since he tends to startle easily at loud noises (i.e. yelling!)
Abby, he wouldn’t make it in this house!!
So true, and such a challenge for me! I have been convicted of this all too often lately. Lord help me to lead with gentleness!
Yes, Shannon….with gentleness, indeed!
Wow, that could describe our morning! Such encouragement that I needed today to respond the right way!
I’m so glad, Danielle! Praise the Lord!
Great reminders, Ruth! I was wondering if you have been observing us get out of the house as I read this.
Definitely sharing this on our blog.
Bryan, it does my heart good to know that you guys go through this too. Really, it does. I’m so honored that you would share it!
what a beautiful blog ruth! so glad i stumbled on it – i especialy loved your bio and your heart to show your children Jesus at home. looking forward to getting to know you better through your blog
Nice to meet you, Allie! I’m looking forward to getting to know you through your blog as well. Blessings!
Thanks Ruth….I just had to ask for forgiveness (again!) from my kiddos this morning for unraveling with yelling….and yes, as we needed to be out the door! Ah sanctification……so painful, so necessary!
I think motherhood has been THE most sanctifying endeavor! Unraveling is such a good word, Jennie, because that is exactly what happens when I’m not tethered to dependence and the truth of God’s word.
Thank you Ruth for this reminder today! It was much needed!
You are so welcome, Nicole! I’m so glad you were encouraged.
Love this, but of course, you knew I would.
I shared it on my FB page, it is just soooo good. Thank you, friend!
Thank you, Joy. I’m so honored that you shared the post! You are my bosom buddy on the other side of the world…
OH, How I can relate!!!!! On the rare occasions I actually get it right, I think as I am pulling out the driveway “Hey I actually don’t have to apologize, now that wasn’t so hard!” But then I go an mess it up the next time.
I’ve been there, Stephanie! We are all continually works in progress!
It is such a relief to hear that other families go through this too. One thing that helps me is to make sure I start early enough. Have the dogs put away 15 minutes before we leave, instead of waiting till the last 5. Getting everyone dressed as soon as they get up. This week we have had to leave the house early each day, and I have made sure everyone has clothes laid out, breakfasts pre-made and in the freezer, and even my iced coffee made the night before. Mornings/leaving have been a breeze, and that NEVER happens here!
I wonder if anyone else has a child who struggles with anxiety before leaving the house. That makes getting away without a crisis a lot harder, but I am learning to handle it a little better I think?
Those are great tips, Stephanie. So much of it is discipline on our end, as moms, right? I can’t expect to work on email or finish up a phone call right before needing to get out the door. Planning makes such a difference!
reading this as i yell at grayson.
thanks.
It’s never too late to reset, friend!
Thanks for the humble reminder. I’ve gone from the frantic “screeching mom” to the “bark mom ” in our morning aspiring to to be “calm mom” soon. I catch myself starting to yell at about one word before I stop, take a deep breath, say a prayer and start again. I have been working at it quite diligently to the point that my autistic son who usually possesses little to no social graces/ awareness saw me do this very act this morning and said “Good Job Mommy you didn’t yell, we’re trying too!” Then we all got a hug and the day moved on much smoother. God reminds us of his presence we just have to be open to see them and appreciate them.
Kim, what a precious response from you boy! None of us arrive at perfection on this side of heaven…praise the Lord he is ever at work in us!
So true! They only hear your tone….I try to always remember that! The worst is when I hear one of my kid’s using my or my hub’s “tone.’” That stops me short & convicts me everytime! I continually pray that God will keep forgiving me & helping me as I try to parent with love & grace.
MamaMandy–I’m convicted by that too, when my kids repeat the tone or the words that I say when I am complaining or angry. I have so much to grow in!
Oh the shoes, the shoes! I tell my kids everyday that I’m going to glue their shoes to their feet….in a very calm voice, of course
. Thank you got this simple, yet life-altering reminder!
**for*** this reminder. I’m not a very efficient iPad typer.
Thanks, Michelle. I’m always blessed by your comments here, and am thankful to know you relate!
SERIOUSLY THANK YOU!!
I read this after the fact… but still great reminder for the remainder of the day! Love the way you put it!
Stop Drop … Look you kids in the eye and lower your voice! I am going to make this a challenge for my life! It will be hard but not impossible!
God bless you and thanks so much for your honsety! Totally sharing on my FB page!
Monica
Thanks so much for your comment and for sharing, Monica! God never wastes any of our trials, big or small! He will use them for his glory…for nothing is impossible with God!
Tone…it’s all about tone. I find my boys (and my students) think I’m “yelling” if my tone is harsh. And “look them in the eye” — I love that!
comforting and appropriately challenging. so nice not to be in this sanctifying process of parenting alone. thank you
Ruth, I would LOVE to share this blog post on my own blog. But I wanted to make sure that it would be okay with you first. I am SO guilty of being the yelling mommy….thanks for the reminder that I don’t have to be!
Melony, I would be happy for you to share this with your readers! I pray many moms will be encouraged! If you are posting the content of this post, it would bless me if you would post a portion of it with a link back to my site for the remainder of the post. (Google frowns on duplicate posts/titles.
) Thanks!
thank you. I am soo guilty of this. I am going to start “team huddles.”
I stumbled onto your blog through Pinterest. I saw the title of this post and had to read it. Having 3 boys (almost 6, 7 & 8) and being a yeller (well, yellers probably sound soft spoken to me), tears came to my eyes and are running down my face as I type this. I have extreme guilt as to how I speak to my boys on a daily basis.. Especially my middle guy. Most days feel so incompetent as a mother.. Everyday I tell myself that I talk calmly and remain in control. But when one of your children fails to realize that yoto u are the mother and he is the child… well, let’s just say it’s frustrating. What I really wanted to say was thank you for the reminder. With God’s help I will forge on and try to remember to look my kids in the eye and lower my voice.
Thanks so much for the comment, Kelly. And, I’m so glad we were connected! I more than empathize with the feelings you share here. Everyday is a major sanctification day for me through parenting! Blessings to you…
Love this reminder!