“I can’t get anything done!” I lament, as the kids make their happy noises and leave sweet tokens of their presence all throughout the house. “I will never catch up!”
This is a familiar scene at my house–is it at yours as well? Mom is exhausted and frustrated at the two steps she takes forward, just to take one step back…in housecleaning, in laundry, in potty-training, in correction and discipline, in kitchen clean up…it just feels never-ending.
In the midst of one of my complain-sessions recently, I recognized the error in my assessment of getting things done: What am I so in a rush to get done for? What is the important stuff that I think I’m really supposed to be accomplishing that being a wife and mother is seemingly keeping me from? By my actions and attitude, it would appear that I have been charged with greater uses of my time than caring for my family; that the mundane and repetitive tasks of motherhood and housework are merely obstacles standing in the way of worthier priorities.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
Motherhood IS my job. Caring for my home IS my privilege. Preparing a place of rest and renewal for my husband IS the important work to be done. There is a deep selfishness in my own heart that idolizes comfort and pride. It is the sin of desiring what I think will make my life grand more than treasuring whatever it is that the Lord has given to me…to do, to care for, to endure, to carry, to count as joy.
How would our attitude and actions change if we were to recognize that breaking up fights between our children, teaching them about forgiveness of sin, correcting them in love, and then repeating that entire cycle again and again–IS our jobs as mothers! And yet, we tend to want to get them behaving properly once and for all so that we can move on to something more important. We are disappointed and astounded when they are repeatedly sinful, whiny, impatient, or lacking self-control, when it’s for these very sins that God made you specifically to be your child’s mother. How humbling it is when I consider this reality and compare it to the attitude of my heart.
Would we do dishes, fold laundry, or train up our children with a different attitude if it were Christ we were serving? Wouldn’t it seem foolish to complain to the Lord about better things we want to do with our lives if He were a guest in our home? No, instead, we would cook and clean with a sense of honor because Christ is residing there. Friends, He does reside in our homes and in our families. We serve Christ when we serve our families!
Being a wife and mother is not glamorous. It is not looked upon with honor in our culture. It is not always immediately rewarded. It is NOT EASY. Being a wife and mother is, however, a high calling. It brings honor to God, and it bears eternal value. He’s equipped us for any and all things He calls us to. It is through Him and for Him that we do all things!
Today, if you’ve been given the high-calling of mother and wife, I encourage you–as I preach the same to my own heart–to embrace the work with joy, with purpose, and with value. Be here, in the now. There is nowhere more important to be; there’s nothing more important to accomplish.
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Thank you for this today! It was something that my heart NEEDED. I get frustrated so easily (and quickly) with the mundane, everyday tasks that become so overwhelming at times. However, thank you, (as I sit with tears in my eyes) for these words today to give me a reminder of what it’s really all about!
Thanks for your comment, Leann. I get frustrated easily too! May we grow in patience and perspective!
As a mother of six that homeschools the four younger ones while the two older ones go to a private high school, I can relate to this article. But I have had very wise “Timothy women” who helped me to see that my ministry is my husband and children. If the home isn’t a place of peace, love, joy so that my husband can rejuvenate and face the “world” within his workplace, then have I fulfilled my God-given purpose? If I haven’t taken the time to teach my children to share, obey, serve with a happy heart, and many other things that Jesus taught us in His word, have I accomplished my God-given minisrty and call upon my life? Motherhood is a special ministry. We as women should look at our lives in such a way.
I have also learned to let go and ask “what is more important?” Should I have the kitchen clean or take the timeto play a board game that one of my children just asked me to play? It’s hard for me, because I am a “Martha” type, but I have to consciously choose to spend time with my children and husband and not worry if my house looks like a magazine ad I remind myself that one day they’ll be grown-up and I’ll miss the messes, piles of laundry, and so forth. But will my children, when grown, want to make the effort to spend time with their elderly parents if I don’t model how to put others first now and spend time with them now?
Don’t get me wrong, … I struggle day to day and there are times I want to lock myself in the bathroom just for a moment of sanity and quiet… but I wouldn’t change being a wife and mother for anything the world could offer me. Thank you for sharing your heart. We women need to know that we aren’t in this alone.
Love this. I often have to remind myself that my kids are NOT interrupting my plans. They ARE the plan. They are the most important part of each day, not the to-do list.
Perfectly put, Danielle. Amen!
Brilliant! Just what I needed to read this morning… I have had these thoughts as well . ..It is humbling to realize” what am I so in a rush to get done for?”…this IS my job. Thanks Ruth!
Jen, I pray your day is blessed with joy for the work he’s given you to do!
Thanks Ruth!!..It so good that someone reminds you what’s motherhood is all about. It so easy to get lost in the day by day and feels so frustrated for things that are so unimportant. Great way to begin this day!!!
I’m so glad you were encouraged. This post was on my heart because it is exactly what I work through on a daily basis! Praying your day is blessed, Lilia!
Needed this, friend! Thank you for listening to the spirit and sharing His message with us! Xo
You’re so welcome, sweetie. Thankful to have the privilege of encouraging you from afar!
I miss you Libby! Thank you Ruth for this posting. It put me back where I belong.
You’re welcome, Micah! We are all works in progress!
Praise God in the name of our Lord Jesus! Love this. We are told to love our husbands and children. Let’s work at it with a pure heart.
Thank you for your comment, Tamara. There is surely no way we can accomplish such a task as loving our husband and children without the work of Christ in our lives!
Dear jiejie,
I wept through this post, mostly at the rebellion in my own heart. I know all these principles in my head, and even preach some of the exact same words to myself from time to time. But my heart, oh how my heart is so distracted. How this sinful heart still desires glamour and attention of this world.
I thought I had been rescued from that lie long ago, and yet here I am still struggling in this mire clay. Thank you for preaching to me, I need to hear these words, often.
May the Lord change this selfish, rebellious heart of mine. May he create in me a clean heart, for on my own I have no strength, no will, no hope to love the task that is set before me.
Oh sweet Seda, thank you for letting me know how this post is being used in your life. I’m truly humbled that God would use my weakness to encourage a sister in Christ. Indeed, the only way we can see these things formed in us is to first recognize that we can do nothing apart from Christ. Hugs to you.
Thank you! I needed that.
I loved this! How else can we experience God’s mercy and grace in our lives if we don’t stumble and realize how much we really NEED Him, and how precious His blessings truly are. I wouldn’t trade an empty laundry basket, sink, or house for anything, my 5 (almost 6) babies are the most amazing job benefits I have ever had!
Blessings dear sister, I pray you continue to feel the Lord’s mercy/grace/blessings upon you!
Thank you so much for your comment, Amber! What an exciting time–anticipating number 6! Blessings to you, as well!
I’m glad I was 2 days behind on reading this because I know I will need it today (although i need it everyday!) as we prepare to open our home to friends. Can you come preach this to me everyday as you’re trying to live it out?
. I love how you have been given a heart of discernment and righteous perspective, and that the Lord has given you the means whereby to teach others. Many blessings to you, dear Ruth!
God knows just when we need the encouragement, right?
I’m so glad we get to live it out together…miles apart.
Somehow I missed this when you posted it last week! You are right on…thank you for your encouraging and convicting words. This reminds me of something (can’t remember where) I read a few weeks ago that emphasized the words in Titus 2 which refer to the younger women (us mothers!) In the NIV and ESV, respectively, it reads “teach the young women to be… ‘BUSY AT HOME’ and ‘WORKING AT HOME.’ We’re *supposed* to be busy working, so it’s a good thing when we’re “never caught up” and “can’t get everything done!” God knows that a young woman with too much free time on her hands is not a good thing.
Anyway, enough with my two cents…
This is a post I’ll be sharing and coming back to! Thank you!!
I like your two cents, Abby…so encouraging! You are a great example of being faithful little by little, day by day!
Ruth how refreshing was for me to read your post… I am new here and I am from Italy….
I am in a bad period because it is not easy to put together a full time job …ahouse.. a marriage and two little girls ( almost 4 and almost 7)………and to fully understand and accept that is an honor to be a wife and < mother……
And it is not easy to accept lack of self control …impatience and restless from my big one….. as a normal way babies show their need…. and looking for theinstrument to help them… to find a way less confrontational to show their need and attitude….
So thanks to be helpfull–..
Cheers
Maddalena
Maddelena, I truly believe that God is faithful to supply all that we need for all that He calls us to. Trust Him, and rest in His faithfulness!
I added “…to do, to care for, to endure, to carry, to count as joy.” to my desktop so I’ll see it every day. I need to remember that this is why I’m a mom. I struggled for years with that feeling of impatience, waiting for my kids to act “just right” so I could move on to…what now? Wasting time on the Internet? Reading books all day? There truly is nothing more important, nothing more pressing, than raising your children in the Lord. Thank you for a wonderful post.
Thanks for your comment, Crafty Mama! We are of like heart and mind.
Thank you for these words. i have been struggling lately with my new role, from full time working mom to full time stay at home home. God is daily teaching me and showing me what an awesome privilege i have.
Praise God! He is so faithful to meet us right at the point of our need. The transition you are in is a challenging one I can still remember…trust Him to equip you for all that He’s called you to!
I like most of what you say here – the only thing I wish “I” could change is all the mundane chores…I would so much rather be spending time with my kids enjoying them than doing laundry or cleaning house but at times I find myself overwhelmed with all the things I do “for” them that take away from the time I could have “with” them.. Perhaps as a new-again mom-to-be it is my hormones talking but there are days I wish I could wave a magic wand and all those things that seem to be “in the way” could just disappear so I could have more time to spend with my kids teaching them about all the wonders of life and how much I and God love them.
I so understand how you feel, Megan! It so often feels like we have so many “must dos” that we miss out on some of the “get to dos.” While I still treasure the times when I get to go on a special date with one of my sons, or spend time doing something fun, I’m learning to appreciate more the times when we are all stuck cleaning up together and folding laundry. The doing “for” them is finally becoming “with” them as they’ve grown older!
Megan i totally feel you…i have 3 under 3 and often times just have to let some of that stuff (laundry, dishes, etc) go until later. it’s been SO hard to find that balance..taking care of the house so it’s not a complete disaster zane, having my own down time, and also have that quality time with my kiddos. it’s a daily struggle that i’m always asking God for more wisdom on…but they’re only this little once and one day i’ll have all the time in the world to clean & cook,..i try to keep that in mind when my OCD kicks in.
Just came across your blog and in particular this post. Thank you for the reminder of the truth in such a graceful manner.
Thank you for stopping by, Jamie! Glad you were encouraged!
this was like a cup of cold water to my soul!! seriously thank you..i posted this on Facebook and so many of my momma friends were encouraged as well. I came across your blog through Pinterest (of course
and i’m so happy i did!
I’m so glad you found me, Jill!
I’m so honored to be a part of your encouragement!
Oh, Ruth – did I ever need to read this tonight! I’m sitting here with my lesson plans for tomorrow’s home day and wondering if there are really women who do all of their laundry in just one day…and at the same time facing some new realities with our oldest and his learning struggles, and realizing that the day he can do his schoolwork independently will be a long time coming. I have a sticky note on the window over my kitchen sink that says, “Shepherd their hearts FIRST.” Before the dishes, before the laundry, even before the schoolwork, it reminds me of my true purpose – to see my babies in Glory.
“Shepherd their hearts FIRST.”–I love that! I have many many nights like you’ve described. It is so overwhelming at times, but may we remember that we are not in a rush to complete this task. He’s the one who will accomplish the work of transforming; we’re merely the vessels through which he is doing that work in our homes!
Thanks for posting this! I am a new mommy and saw your blog through Grace. This was a good reminder for me, as I too struggle with getting things done around the house and feeling inadequate at times. I’m still learning to embrace this higher calling, no matter how society views our role!
Nice to “meet” you, Davina! I’m so encouraged that you are thinking through these things as a new mom.. It is definitely a transition! Thanks for stopping by!
WHAT IF… we did somehow manage to “get it all done”? Everything fell into place and there was peace and harmony in our little homes? Would we still fall on our knees and cry out to our Lord for help? Just a thought…
I don’t think I would, Kerrye. The Lord keeps my heart humbled and needy through all my inadequacies!
I’m so glad I came across this, that it was determined for me to read. We don’t have kids just yet, but one of my fears is how life will change once they’re here. When I’m blessed with the journey of motherhood, I will certainly keep these words in my mind and heart…and you have a new follower
Thank you!
Thank you for writing this! I’m so tired due to my pregnancy that this has been me for the last few weeks! I appreciate the reminder!
This has become one of my all-time favorite quotes. Living with this perspective is truly life-changing.
“The great thing, if one can, is to stop regarding all the unpleasant things as interruptions of one’s ‘own’, or ‘real’ life. The truth is of course that what one calls the interruptions are precisely one’s real life – the life God is sending one day by day: what one calls one’s ‘real life’ is a phantom of one’s own imagination.” – C. S. Lewis
I needed this today. THANK YOU for the great reminder!
I was referred to this article by a friend on Facebook; I skipped over it a couple of times thinking, “I know whatever she has written is true–I’ve read this essay 20 times already, though.” Finally I clicked on it, and I’m so glad I did. I love the way you’ve written about the vocation of raising a family–thank you for your the way in which you’ve helped me to open my eyes to my vocation as it is today, as I need to read about it today. Well done. I am lucky to have a husband who is less concerned than I am with the other “chores” that need to be done, so it is up to me to push the never-ending tasks aside and be joyful in the moment with my children first, and then realize that the other chores that await are indeed an honorable part of my vocation and not drudgery:)
So I just came across this article yesterday. I am a first time parent of a four month old. I couldn’t agree more with everything you said.
Now take the part you ended with:
“Being a wife and mother is not glamorous. It is not looked upon with honor in our culture. It is not always immediately rewarded. It is NOT EASY. Being a wife and mother is, however, a high calling.”
… and think of what it is like for a stay-at-home father. That’s me… and I take great pride in it while my wife is off at work everyday.
A friend forwarded this article to me. Thank you for writing this. Totally unrelated. . . Where oh where did you fine that blue striped shirt? I love it.
I know I’m late in reading this but I just printed this out and will read it regularly. Thank you so much!
I love this article! Thank you. Where did you find that amazing blue striped shirt??
It’s a shirt made by Roxy, but I think I found it for cheap at Ross.
Oh boy, I think this landed in my FB page from God today! I stay at home with our 3 and it is so awesome but totally crazy at times. I’m negotiating the balance of being available to the children, effectively being at home, and pursuing some of my own dreams and passions. It’s not an easy thing to negotiate and ultimately, my dreams may have to wait, or at least slow down for a while. I’m ok with that, especially after reading your post – thanks for the reminder!
Dear Ruth, thank you for listening to Holy Spirit and sharing this post! He is working on my aching heart. Lately I have been just tired of it all; the lack of obedience from my kids, the non-existent appreciation and encouragement from my husband, never mind the mundaneness and repetition of just being a mom. In a fit of anger, I recently even blurted out ” agh, I HATE my life!” As soon as it came out of my mouth the Holy Spirit convicted my heart, and also gave me the comfort that He will give me the strength to carry on until The Lord calls me home. Reading your post just put more of an affirmation on my heart that I need to be grateful and dependent on Him to carry me through ” my life”. You are right, what else is so pressing in my life that would be more important? My comfort? My pride? My entertainment?? Thank you again for posting this, it has definitely been used as “iron sharpens iron” in my day! God bless you!
I have blurted the same thing before, Christina. Our thinking dictates our living…so yes, as we think more rightly about our calling, about our privilege, and our great treasure as children of God, our gratitude grows and we become encouraged, even in the mundane tasks of life. Thanks for your comment!
I needed this today!!! Thank you
Love your blog. And I always feel encouraged by your writings even sharing them with my friends.
But sometimes I feel as if a majority of mommy blogs is written toward the stay-at-home moms who homeschool (or work from home). I work any where from 8 to 12 hours a day, which I already feel guilty for. (Side note- I work for a family owned business which relies on me- so I have no option of not working)
I totally agree with your statement “Motherhood IS my job. Caring for my home IS my privilege. Preparing a place of rest and renewal for my husband IS the important work to be done.”
Any advice for me? A working mom who after getting up at 6, getting the children ready, dropping them off at school, working 8-12 hours a day depending on what’s going on, communting an hour a day, etc………
On the way home or even at work I’m thinking gah I hate this…working while my kids are with teachers 8 hours a day or more. Feeling guilty because I can’t prepare my home as a place of rest/relaxtion for my husabnd. Being tired and wanting to rest from a long, depleating day at work. Feeling guilty because I only get to spend 3 or 4 hours with my children before they have to get in bed and that time is spent cooking supper, giving baths, and going over homework. And then add laundry & cleaning to the mix…..
I also forgot trying to add spending time in God’s Word and growing in my relationship with Him.
HK., first I want to say thanks for your honesty and for your questions. I think so many women can relate to being in a circumstance or a schedule that, at least for a season, requires that they be away from home more than they’d like to be. The mommy guilt sets in and you can often feel like you aren’t doing anything well. I have felt that way. I don’t have a job outside the home per se, but I still put in 15-20 hours a week “working” through writing, painting, designing, and other client commissions. There is no easy answer as every family is a unique situation, and every person must respond to how the Lord provides and the challenges he places before them. I will say, though, that I think the issue of responding to the high calling of motherhood (and homemaking) is not necessarily even a function of whether you work outside the home or not…it starts with your submission of heart and mind to what God may have for you through that role. As you pray through it, He provide for his calling in your life, and he will lead you a step at a time. Maybe that looks like change somehow from your current situation, but maybe is means that things can’t change right now, and that you make the most of every moment that you DO have, abandoning the guilt and demands on yourself, and giving thanks for all that you do get to give in service and love to your family. Moms who stay at home all day long can just as easily squander away their time with their kids, ignoring them for the pleasures of surfing the net or chatting with friends. Your kids want quality time with you…which CAN be spent over cooking supper together, giving baths, and reading before bed. You are their mom…and they’ve never had a better one than you.
WOW…just what I needed to hear on a day when I am feeling like a failure at accomplishing what is before me. I especially like how you said that being a wife and mother is a high calling. thanks for your words of encouragement! we momma’s have to stick together!
YOUR COMMENTS ARE GREAT! I just have a hard day yesterday, keeping up with motherhood, wife and working mom. It is impossible to have things done., but i keeking remember myself that my husband is wonderful and my son is perfect. We have house, food, love and the most important health. I left the house, a little frusted because I could accomplish my chores before go to work. For my surprise, when I come back, my precious husband clean all the first floor for me, and the baby was already in bed. I want to cry. I joyful cry to God for giving me a wonderful husbnd and
Having caught myself grumbling and complaining lately over the unending list before me each day, God has been gently reminding me of my priorities and his calling on my life. Little by little, he’s making me more aware and helping me to catch myself before I grumble, but I too have the sin of selfishness and pride, wanting my way. I’m ashamed of this, yet I thank God for bringing this to my attention. I am so grateful that he used this post today to once again point me in the right direction.
Oh young moms, I know that the days are long and the chores are many and seem so endless and unappreciated. When I was a young mom, I dug in my heels in rebellion and didn’t give my all to my children or my husband or my home….oh I did good things, I served at church, on committees, taught classes, taught Bible School, I did all of that, but my motives were so wrong and my children and my husband suffered and I suffered too. And it wasn’t until they were grown and we had gone through so many painful days….days of their rebellion, and then I couldn’t get the days or the minutes back. I have asked for their forgiveness and they have forgiven, but they are not walking with the Lord yet and so I have to stay on my knees waiting for that. The Lord has blessed us with 7 precious grandchildren and I have had a new chance to do things correctly with them….God is so good. One of them lives with me, He is 2 and 1/2 and today I watched him while his mom was at work…we had such a fun day, we played grocery store, we sang songs, we tickled, we chased Grandpa…..oh it was fun and so much of it was stuff I never would have relaxed enough to do with my babies when they were babies. Tonight my house looks quite a mess, he has gone to bed after cleaning up part of the mess, but our grocery store is still our for tomorrow. Elmo was already asleep when it was time to go night-night so we had to tip-toe down to the hall to bed so that we didn’t wake him up. Sweet kisses and hugs. And in a few weeks I get to go visit my 2 grandchildren in FL….what a blessing…they are older, but they still love to cuddle with us. I have had some health issues over the past 6 years and my husband has had to care for me in such a loving way and when I’m with my kids and with my grandkids, I think what if this is the last trip to Florida, what if this is the last time to play grocery store….not because there is anyone saying that is true, but you never know, you never know……so savor these days. This is truly what it is about…..and now good night, I think I’m going to go in and sneak a sweet smelling kiss from that two year old neck. I have a heart for all of you young moms…..I struggled so, I know how long the days are and I pray for you. In Him, Jane
Wow, this was a GREAT article!! This is something I (and probably most moms!) need to remind myself of everyday. I know it’s true, but it’s easy to let distractions pull your attention and desires away from what really matters, and what God has called us to. I would love for you to link this up with my Tuesday link up party at http://courtshipconnection.com/?p=3957
I know my readers would enjoy it, and be encroauged by it!
Kathie
Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful post. A friend sent this to me last week, and it has blessed me so much….really made me stop and think…just simply slow down. I shared the link on my blog hoping it will bless others too. -Brooke