It’s one thing to describe what it is to be a Christian, it is another to actually live out the truth of who and whose you are.
Most of us can pretty easily launch into a definition of what it is to be redeemed, to be bought at a price, to have our sins paid for, and to be a beloved child of the King…
…and then, if you are like me, we go throughout our days living like we don’t know those things to be true.
This week, in Chapter 3 of Because He Loves Me, The Identity Gift, Elyse Fitzpatrick helps us to see, in practical ways, how having our identity IN Christ actually changes the way we view our daily lives.
Do you feel intolerant of others’ mistakes that inconvenience you?
Do you get angry when your children embarrass you with poor behavior?
Do you feel sorry for yourself when your life/job/status/goal/dream is not met with success?
I’ve struggled with each of these…and found myself responding with either pride or self-condemnation. I have regularly looked indignantly at another’s incompetence, measured myself based on my children’s behavior, and allowed myself to feel entitled to more or better or greater, casting my worth and contentment at the mercy of my pride. Have you?
This is what Elyse says about it in this chapter:
“Our problem is that if we don’t continually remind ourselves of how he has chosen, renamed, and remade us, the struggle to grow in Christian character will become nothing more than another attempt at self-improvement, and self-improvement always results in self-loathing or pride. Our Savior has declared that we are completely dependent upon him and what he accomplished for us, but in overconfidence we hastily run past his accomplishments and seek rest in our own.” (pg. 55)
I think the most convicting verse from this chapter is the one at the start of the chapter- Colossians 3:4…
“When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.”
My biggest challenge in life is not my circumstances, it is that I don’t recognize that HE IS MY LIFE. That He is all that truly matters…that all things are settled in the light of eternity.
“The gospel tells us that our new identity is found in Christ alone. But we forget that we are sinful and flawed and don’t deserve respect. We also forget that we’ve been loved and welcomed by the only Person whose opinion really matters. We’ve forgotten God’s love for us in the gospel. Our fundamental problem is not our history, our environment, our brain chemicals, or even our bad choices. Our problem is that we’ve got a functional identity that flies in the face of gospel truth. We’ve ignored and disregarded the fact that Christ has given us his identity: he is our life.” (pg. 57)
So what do I make of all the things that get me worked up and frustrated? All the things that seem unfair in life? All the times I’ve felt disrespected or misunderstood? All the moments I wish I was a better version of myself?
“Our desire to be respected will end up where it belongs–on the ash heap with our pride–when we see that our former identity and reputation was utterly demolished on the cross. We’ve got nothing left to prove anymore; we deserve the death he died. We’re sinners saved by grace alone; our children are sinners who will be saved by grace alone. It’s his reputation, not ours, that matters. The hours and hours we’ve wasted in pride and hedonistic self-recrimination– I can’t believe I did THAT again!– will be transformed into humble thanksgiving for the One who perfectly fulfilled every law and whose perfect record and standing are now ours, all to the praise of his glorious grace.” (pg. 60)
I don’t want to see myself and my life through the lens of my own efforts, do you? Of course not. Christ has made us new, given us a new identity, and that is enough. How do we know who we are in Christ? We find our through His Word. This week’s chapter offered a host of wonderful Scripture references…look them up! Get into his Word and discover WHO you are…and live free IN that identity, friend.
Welcome to Week 3 of the Because He Loves Me Book Study! We’re so glad you’re here. Join Joy, at Grace Full Mama, next week, for Chapter 4!
Now let’s talk about it…
1) In what ways do you forget the mercy and patience granted to your through the cross through your own impatience and intolerance of others?
2) What verse or verses in the end of the chapter struck you the most about your new identity in Christ?
3) How has your view of “bearing the name of Christ” changed through reading this chapter?
I’d love to hear your thoughts! You can do so in two ways…
*Leave a comment below, and feel free to discuss with others there!
*Write a blog post either answering these questions or with your own reactions to the chapter, and link up your blog post below! (Remember to add the title and url for the specific post and not your blog url and name. Thanks!)
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This chapter hit me pretty hard this week, even the title of your post did. My father used to say to me when I walked out the door to raise hell as a teenager, “Remember who and whose you are.” Strangely, I wasn’t a believer then, but He had a message for me.
There are days when I get down in the pits of my self-righteous and self-glorification pride and everyone reaps the wrath. You see, there are things that I was supposed to do, that I had planned. The Good Lord, by His good pleasure, yanked me out of miry {planned} clay and placed me on the road of His grace. My problem is that I all too often look back at that long ago planned identity. Or I don’t show my true identity in Christ to everyone, but only to those with whom I feel comfortable. Yet, I do not wish to be where I was or who I had planned to be. It was by that yanking that He brought me to my knees (and continues to do) to save my soul.
I highlighted large sections in this chapter. The part that resonated most was (sorry I don’t have the page numbers b/c I’m reading on kindle) the two paragraphs were individuality and relationships are italicized and the pertinent versus follow. How many times have I heard those versus? It’s humbling!
Finally, there was a sentence that brought a question to my mind (actually it is a continual question), “Christianity isn’t essentially a program to help moral people be better.” If that is the case (which it is!), then why do so many churches preach that from the pulpit week after week after week? Preach Christ!!!
So, for today, my prayer is that by His grace I will remember “who I am and whose I am”! Thanks, Ruth!
What a vulnerable and honest look at this chapter, Michelle. I so often feel the same way. Thanks so much for taking the time to converse here…I love hearing your thoughts.
This was such a great chapter and had so much in it that is worth savoring. My life verses are 1 Peter 2:9-10 and I was really excited to see her include those verses as part of our new identity in Christ. One of my favorite quotes of hers: Our Redeemer has taken our sinful identity so that we might receive his righteous one!
Yes, Kim!! A great life verse! Thanks for reading with us!
When we finally realize that we are “complete in Him” then we can give up trying to “be” something: be respected, be good, be accomplished, be prestigious…because in Him, we are accepted and beloved.
This realization helps us to stop grasping to look good–because there is none good but God. All our righteousness amounts to a heap of dirty rags. All we can proclaim is “Praise God for His amazing grace!” and then love other people. When we are so busy trying to create our own facade of goodness (or whatever our desire is), we forget all that God has done, and begin demanding people enter into our little dream world. But when we let it all go and cling to Christ, we can find rest in our souls. Thank you, Ruth. Love this study you are doing. <3
Sarah, it does my heart good to hear you affirm these very things that I have felt so convicted in. So much of our culture teaches us to discover “who we really are.” And yet, there is no joy in delving deeper into the worldly identity I may try to create; instead, I’m only complete when I rejoice in identitiy replacement. I’m so glad we get to read this together!
Oh Sarah! I SOOO agree with you. My husband and daughter always used to tease me about “Mom’s world”…where everybody reacts like I do, loves the Lord like I do, etc. I have been trying to BE something my whole life it seems. Even though I have been saved for almost 30 years…yes, I have forgotten who I am, who He chose me to be. A dear spiritual mentor has been trying for a few years now to get me to understand Colossians 1:10 (that I am already COMPLETE in Him)I get it!! I had started to memorize Col.3 and this study is just confirming that I am going to do just that. I have had the Because He Loves Me book on my shelf for about 3 years. And I am very glad that GraceLaced and Grace Full Mama are doing this. Thank you <3
Lynnebee, that is so neat to see the Lord continuing this work of sanctification in you through a mentor, and now through this study. He always seems to show us what he’s teaching us through various means and avenues. Praise God–because I always need the multiple reminders. I’m so encouraged to read your comment hear…thank you!
Wow – another powerful chapter! I pulled out some of the same quotes & verses that Ruth and others have mentioned above, but also loved Elyse’s point (p.55) that “This new identity is unalterably ours right now, but we’ve also got to grow into it…” On p. 57 she says’ “We are, each one, more sinful and flawed than we ever dared believe, but more loved and welcomed than we ever dared hope.” So true! But instead of wasting time with “pride and hedonistic self-recrimination” (p. 61) we need to live the life of Christ. I LOVE that: hedonistic self-recrimination. It sometimes feels like we’re being noble or modest when we beat ourselves up, but it’s really the other side of pride. And boy, in our ways (those of us who have those tendencies) do we take pleasure in self-flagellation! What a slap to God and to his son Jesus after all they’ve done for us. But just as God shows us grace and comforts us on a daily (hourly?) basis so that we can show grace and comfort to others (2 Cor. 1:4), it seems so important to me that we give ourselves grace, too, not letting ourselves off the hook for bad behavior, but recognizing that Christ chose us (John 15:16) and that God loves us just as much as he loves Jesus (John 17:23). We don’t deserve the gifts we’ve been given, but we’ve been given them anyway!! How powerful!
Kendra, I’m encouraged by your comment here! I loved Elyse’s choice of words here too: hedonistic self-recrimination. I often think about the fact that when we trust and glory in our sanctification through Christ, we can bear nothing but gratitude; but when we think that we have some special ability to make ourselves improved, we end up getting prideful and/or condemning. It’s so great to remember these truths. Thanks for reading along and commenting!
This chapter is is such a great reminder to focus on who I am in Christ, not on what I am doing for Christ. So often, we use what we are doing for Christ as a spiritual gauge for our relationship with Him. The author states,”The truth that many of us have lost and desperately need to find is that Christianity isn’t essentially a program to help moral people be better. No, it’s a RELATIONSHIP based on the premise that we aren’t good now and will never be good enough in this life.” (caps mine).
This realization is so freeing in living life! As a missionary wife with young children, I always feel that I could be doing so much more for God…but my identity is not found in how many ministries I am involved in, rather in how close my relationship is with my Savior. I have been so convicted in reading this chapter, that I want to place daily habits in my life to remind me to reconnect with Jesus Christ throughout my day, not just in my devotion time.
Thanks for these thoughts, Michelle. “So often, we use what we are doing for Christ as a spiritual gauge for our relationship with Him.”–I do this too. I am convicted as well to consider my intimacy with the Savior and not just my service to Him. Thank you so much for commenting and joining in!
There are several statements made that I highlighted this week:
Page 53:
“Christ is overwhelmingly patient with me.”
“I’ve been chosen and loved by God, so I can be merciful and patient with others.”
“I’ve got a faithful heavenly Father who has adopted me, so I don’t need to use my children to prove that I’m really okay. He has made me his own: that’s all that matters.”
Page 55:
“When we fail to respond in Christlikeness to the disappointments of life, it’s usually because we’ve forgotten all he has accomplished for us.”
“Part of this maturing process is the ability to identify and put to death the self-centered motives that formerly earmarked our lives.”
… and the first paragraph of page 58
Then I got to “The Wonderful News”
The first paragraph really spoke to me and then on page 59:
“Christ’s accomplishments and perfections are ours now.”
“We’ve been irrevocably adopted by our Father in heaven”
Page 61:
“It is good news about him: his mercy, his faithfulness, his holiness and atoning sacrifice.”
I see my need to look at Christ in a completely different way. A way that I don’t say, “I can’t believe I did THAT again!” (page 61) How prideful of me to think I wouldn’t do it again when I am focusing on what “I need to do”.
I have heard many times that my religion isn’t about “doing” but about what Christ has done, but I have never let that go. I know that I should “do” because of what he did, but I think I am still so prideful that I am not seeing my trying as taking away from what Jesus did. Of course, I would never put myself on His level! But, I AM doing that each time I am trying so hard to do right because of what he did. I haven’t focused on the relationship as I should have because I was too busy trying to “be what He wants”. The reality of just being me and accepting Him certainly is in my head, but a practical, working knowledge of this truth has escaped me completely.
I see in my relationships my tendency to try to earn their love when I know that those around me love me but I feel I still have to do something to earn it…. I never realized the magnitude of that carrying over into my relationship with God. I am still trying to prove myself worthy of Him, to Him…and wondering why I am failing…
I think the verse that struck me the most was Galatians 2:20, “I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me”. Every time I read that I saw that I accepted Christ and now I need to behave “right” because I need to live by faith not flesh… not that it doesn’t say I should change, but as I read it again, my new thought was, my way dies BECAUSE of Him and me realizing that my focus should be off my selfish thoughts of me and my works.. but again… focusing on His love, work, mercy, and willingness to give for ME just because he wants me. I thought I had to “crucify myself”! If anyone had asked me that, I would not have said that… not until this moment anyway.
I want people to see my kids doing right and think I have it all together. I want my husband to show me how great a wife and mother I am. I want my church family to see that I look and act the part. I want things around me to go smoothly so I can “prove” I have this “religion” down. I am so prideful. I am trying to take credit for the work of Christ rather than glorifying HIM because of that work.
Today is a new day, not to try again, but try to look at Jesus consistently throughout the day. I need to ENJOY my relationship with Him and have that evidenced by my reactions to those around me, not my relationships defining how my relationship with God is… I have been thinking backwards. Oh, being aware of it is step one… only God can work on my spirit to change me and comprehend the truth of it all.