The question everyone asks after four boys, is "Are you hoping for a girl?"
The Preacher and I had a revelation the other day while driving to our first camping trip with four kiddos: If we had two boys and two girls, we may very well STILL be pregnant with number 5. The desire to have a daughter is still there--perhaps even greater for my husband than for me. But, something has changed in us over the years of raising children. Child bearing and child rearing has become for us, less about what we want, and more about what God wants to accomplish in and through us. That may include child bearing; that may include adoption. Parenthood has magnified our awareness of our true state, that of servanthood not propietorship.
All this is wrapped up in the assurance of God's sovereignty, which we rest firmly upon. And yet, the most difficult struggle is sometimes one's own response in disappointment. More than the disappointment itself. But rather the lack of faith that accompanies the disappointment. So...as I begin this life-changing journey again, my heart's desire is to desire the Giver, not the gift.