“Yes…” I respond, to the good looking couple on their way to a workout.

“I’m sorry,” interjects the husband, not even cracking a smile.

“We’re so blessed,” I offer.

I’ve grown accustomed to the general public reacting with exhaustion, pity, sympathy, and bafflement when they discover I have five boys 2 years apart.

As worn out as I feel at times, I would never want anyone to feel sorry for me in what God has planned for us. He makes no mistakes; He never gives second best. Even when our hearts’ longings are not met with the answers we would choose for ourselves, God is faithful to replace doubt with truth, disappointment with gratitude.

What circumstance or reality in your life may incite another’s pity or bewilderment? Rather than allow discouragement or bruised pride to set in and affect your thinking, may we be encouraged to consider all of God’s dealings with us in the light of Truth and His character.

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.”

James 1:17

Each of my boys have a journal filled with letters I’ve written to them from the day they were born. I suppose it’s my solution to being hostile towards scrapbooking.

It’s also a way for me to record my most heartfelt thoughts toward each son, the realities of my struggles, and the prayers I pray for them.

I write when I can; I write when my thoughts are lucid. I write because I know that I will not always remember.

Someday, I hope to send each boy off with their own book of letters from me, so that they may know how greatly they were loved, how much they were worth the sacrifices, how often they were prayed for, and how many everyday moments were remembered.

I hope they will know their mother more one day. They will know that she’s a sinner, that she’s human, that she laughed more than she corrected, that she found her kids unique and worth being vulnerable with…even before they were actually listening.

Who do your boys admire? emulate? talk about constantly? want to be when they grow up?

What a blessing it is when our little men seek to be like their fathers, grandfathers, pastors, and teachers. Sometimes my boys’ heroes are men they’ve only met in words on a page: Jesus, Martin Luther, David Livingstone, King Tirian, George Mueller, Odysseus, the Apostle Paul.

The books our boys read shape their idea of heroism. It forms who they become. If this is true for our children, it is true for us, as their parents. We are formed by the books we read and the people of honor we encounter. Clearly this begs the question: What are our kids reading? What are we reading? What are they most captured by? What are we most enraptured by? If time spent is any indication, it would prove that books and literature do not serve as some of the greatest influences of young ones today..

In this age of conflicted comic superheros and scandal-ridden celebrities, many of our future men are perhaps, for the first time in many generations, confused about what truly defines heroism and manhood? I cannot adequately plumb the depths of this topic here, but I do want to end our week of “Raising Boys” posts with a look at this final aspect of boyhood: How our boys define heroism and honor…specifically through  the books they read.

A child’s instinct is almost perfect in the matter of fighting; a child always stands for the good militarism as against the bad. The child’s hero is always the man or boy who defends himself suddenly and splendidly against aggression. The child’s hero is never the man or boy who attempts by his mere personal force to extend his mere personal influence. In all boys’ books, in all boys’ conversation, the hero is one person and the bully the other. That combination of the hero and bully in one, which people now call the Strong Man or the Superman, would be simply unintelligible to any schoolboy.

-G.K. Chesterton

I recently found these thoughts by Cindy Rollins very encouraging. I hope it serves to guide and edify your family as well, as we seek to place before our children, worthy heros of admiration, and a love for the written word:

The current trend – to just get children reading no matter what kind of material we have to throw at them – is dangerous and our sons are especially vulnerable…But Thomas Spence of the Wall Street Journal recently suggested that we not appeal to our sons’ basest instincts; rather we should motivate our boys with the concept of honor.  Honor motivates boys and it is not a bad ideal for girls either.

Literature clothes honor and makes it compelling to our children. Who doesn’t want to be brave after meeting the mouse Reepicheep in The Voyage of the Dawn Treader?   The sad truth, however, is that in our quest for easy answers we often mistake moralism for the moral imagination.  Moralism is a kind of legalism. It cleans the outside of the cup while leaving the inside dirty which allows us to feel smug and self-satisfied.

Our goal, as teachers, is not to produce self-righteous prigs like another of our old friends from Dawn Treader, Eustace Scrubb – a boy C.S. Lewis describes as not having read the right sorts of books – but rather to motivate our children by examples of true depth of character, whether that character is in the real man Stonewall Jackson or the fictional Hobbit Frodo.  When we read of these admirable spirits we don’t feel smug, we feel challenged and even ashamed.  We question our own motives and behaviors.  In the best cases, we repent.

I have tried to concentrate on books you may have overlooked; as a consequence I have left out many beloved friends. I didn’t even mention The Wind in the Willows, Treasure Island, Little House in the Big Woods, or Farmer Giles of Ham but I know you love them too. I didn’t get a chance to warn you not to intrude on a book while reading out loud; let it work its own magic. This list represents many happy days for me with a group of ever-growing boys and a pretty little girl.  I hope it will provide inspiration as you endeavor to lead your students to the table of worthy ideas.

1. Men of Iron, Otto of the Silver Hand and others by Howard Pyle. By others I mean search the highways and byways and find anything you can by Pyle. You will be pleasantly surprised by what you have been missing.  My son James claims Men of Iron as his favorite childhood book.

2. The White Company by Arthur Conan Doyle. This book far surpasses Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes using the criteria stated above. It creates a longing for the deepest streams of honor when read with Doyle’s Sir Nigel and Sir Gerhard books. These are my husband’s favorite books.

3. The Adventures of Richard Hannay by John Buchan.  Although none of us agree on which of Buchan’s books we like the best, we all agree his books make our top 10 list. I love Mr. Standfast the best but the boys usually pick Greenmantle.

4. The Railway Children or any book by E Nesbit. You cannot go wrong with Nesbit. CS Lewis read her books as a child. What further proof do you need that she passes the imaginative literature test?

5. The Black Fox of Lorne and others by Marguerite de Angeli. These are great books for middle school students.

6. Little Britches or Father and I were Ranchers by Ralph Moody. Absolutely not to be missed under any circumstances. Beat yourself with reeds if you have failed to read at least one of these out loud in your class or family.

7. Madelaine Takes Command by Esther C Brill. Here is a book for girls which boys will love also. This true story illustrates all the qualities of true femininity and humble leadership in time of need.

8. Rolf and the Viking Bow and others by Allen French.  French is another author whose extra works often get overlooked.   You will not be sad you searched for some of his other titles.

9. Stalky and Co and others by Rudyard Kipling. Don’t forget to read Kipling’s poems. He had an excellent ear for meter and a robust mood.   At the top of the imaginative literature list would have to be his excellent stories of India:  The Jungle Book and Just so Stories.

10. The Marsh King by Walter C Hodges. King Alfred!! Need I say more?

11. Swallows and Amazons by Arthur Ransome. Highly imaginative realistic and fantastic stories of the kind of childhood we all wish we could have had and we can have when we open the pages of these books.

12. The Sugar Creek Gang by Paul Hutchens (older version only.)  It is true these books may not deserve to sit on a list with the likes of John Buchan and Howard Pyle but as a mother I can testify that they did more to instill manliness in my sons at a young age than almost any other books I can think of.  They inspire without preaching.

13. Mythology.  I would be remiss if I did not mention that children love mythology and some of our best literature has come from the tales of the Greeks, Romans and Norsemen. Rosemary Sutcliffe, Howard Pyle, Tolkien, Nathaniel Hawthorne and many, many more authors have plied their writing skills on these tales. The pathos alone is worth the ride.

14. Penrod by Booth Tarkington. Hilariously funny books. Penrod is something of a bad boy with a good heart.  Consider these books medicine for the soul.

15. Scaramouche and all others by Rafael Sabatini. Warning:  all of my children acted a little silly for a while after reading Scaramouche; they fancy themselves French actors for several months. Old Hollywood turned Sabatini books into those great Errol Flynn Swashbucklers.

You can read the entire article by Rollins, here.

***************************************************

Thank you for joining me this week in celebrating the unique privilege of raising boys. I trust you have been blessed! Have a wonderful weekend. See you next week…I have a fun giveaway in store for you.

Today I have the privilege of introducing my guest Ashley Campbell, of Under The Sycamore. Ashley is a Christian, mother to 3 boys and 1 girl, a talented photographer, avid do-it-yourself-er, and a blogger extraordinaire! She was so gracious to agree to write a guest post for this week’s Raising Boys theme. I hope you are blessed by her creativity, and are inspired to spend time making and creating with your boys today.

*********************************************

Guest Post by Ashley, of Under The Sycamore

The title of the post Ruth gave me, “Raising Boys…who love to craft” made me laugh a little bit. I love to craft, but it is not on the top 5 list of things my boys love to do. Over the years I have attempted all kinds of crafts with them always hoping they will enjoy it as much as I do. Sometimes they do really get excited about the project, sometimes they don’t. I’ve found if I can relate the craft to something they already enjoy then it usually results in a great activity for all of us.

Today I want to share my twist on using salt dough. Salt dough is a basic recipe for all kinds of craft projects. In our house Legos are a big deal. In fact, playing with the Min-Figs (that is Lego lingo for the little Lego Mini-Figurines) makes up the majority of free time in my house. I am happy to report my boys loved this craft. I am pretty confident this will be one we repeat a lot.
(just to note…this craft is best done in 2 days, see step 4)

Supplies:

4 cups flour
1 cup salt
1 1/2 cups hot tap water
2 teaspoons vegetable oil
Craft paint
Clear acrylic spray
LEGO Minifigure Ice Cube Tray

Step 1: Combine flour, salt & water. Add oil. Knead. If it is too dry, add water. If too sticky, add flour.

Step 2: Create shapes with your salt dough. We firmly filled the ice molds with dough and trimmed excess.

Step 3: Pop out the min-fig molds. Place your min-figs and all other creations on a cookie sheet.

Step 4: Your salt dough now needs to completely dry. You can let it dry overnight or bake it at 200 F in the oven for several hours. The main thing is to make sure it is hard and dry. We started in the oven, but still had to let them sit out overnight to dry completely.

Step 5: Using basic craft paint and small paint brushes paint the dry dough.

Step 6: Once the paint is dry, spray the entire min-fig (and other creations) with Clear Acrylic Spray. I used a glossy spray. If you skip this step your paint will rub off.

Step 7: Enjoy your unique min-fig creations!

Creating Min-Figs out of salt dough isn’t a craft project I dream about, but I am pretty sure now my boys do. Crafting with my boys is about doing something with them that they love. It is about teaching them to think outside the box and be creative in ways that they normally do not. They already know I love to be creative, but crafting with them is about showing them how I enjoy creating with them…even if it means painting Lego Men instead of flowers.

Thanks for having me as a guest Ruth…it is an honor to post here!

*********************************************

Thank you, Ashley! I can’t wait to try this with my boys. There’s no doubt min-figs would be a huge hit at our house! I so appreciate you taking the time to guest post here!

Be sure to check out Ashley’s beautiful and inspiring blog!

Lucinda Scala Quinn, author of Mad Hungry, had me at “Feeding Men & Boys.”

Men eat differently from women–they eat more, they eat constantly, and they eat passionately…but feeding them well is what many of us love to do and few jobs feel as satisfying. It’s what keeps them healthy, keeps them happy, gives them some of their fondest memories, and teaches them to cook.

More than a collection of recipes, Mad Hungry gives inspiration and instruction (to new and seasoned cooks) to the art of cooking for family. As a mother of boys, Lucinda lovingly gives insight to both the logistics and the rewards of including boys in a family-centered culture of cooking.

Boys and men who grow up eating flavorful home-cooked food are more likely to cook for themselves. A man who knows how to cook is more self-sufficient, is a better roomate, boyfriend, father, and son. And as any wife knows, a husband who can cook is like one who can dance–the deluxe package.

Those of you who were with us for the Frugal Table series will recall that much more than merely good food is served up at the family dining table. It is a sacred place of conversation, culture, and the training of appetites (the least of which involves food.) Former President Reagan even went as far as to say that “All great change in America begins at the dinner table.”

I so appreciate the variety of recipes in this book, and was amused to find a recipe for “Meaty Noodle Soup, Asian Style” that reminded me of my family recipe for “Chinese Beef and Carrots”. Lucinda does a great job covering all the bases from comfort food to exploration food; quick and easy to labors of love.

Future men are made not merely in classrooms and on the football field. They are formed around the kitchen island, while setting the table, over a pot of stew. Many are the memories of a boy’s life, but may it be said someday of our kitchens and of our meals served day by day as moms: “This tastes like home.”

Instead of being a chore, mealtime can be the foundation of a wonderful relationship with the men and boys in your life.

Spanish Frittata (Spanish Tortilla)

from Mad Hungry: Feeding Men and Boys

2 T. extra-virgin olive oil
1/2 onion, chopped
1 large potato, peeled, cooked, and cut into 1/2 inch cubes
1 1/2 tsp. coarse salt
8 large eggs, beaten

Preheat the broiler. Heat a 12-inch cast iron or nonstick ovenproof skillet over medium heat. Swirl in the olive oil. Add the onion and saute until translucent, about 3 minutes. Add the potato and 3/4 teaspoon of the salt. Continue to cook and occasionally stir until the onion and potato are slightly browned, 5 to 6 more minutes. Add the eggs and the remaining 3/4 teaspoon salt. Swirl them around the pan and lower the heat. When the eggs are set on the side but the top is still loose, place the pan under the broiler for 2 minutes. The tortilla will trun slightly golden and puff up before it settles. Cut into wedges to serve.

*If baked potatoes are on the menu, cook a few extra to use in this recipe.

I always love having The Preacher stop by my little blog. His gentle but deliberate leadership in our home makes all the difference as we raise a houseful of cubs. This post is a direct result of something I witnessed just the other day, and asked him to write about for our encouragement.

*********************************************************

Guest post by The Preacher

Everyone knows that big boys don’t cry, right?

That’s funny….

At our house, we have a hard time going more than thirty minutes at a time without someone bawling their eyes out over one thing or another.  Is that the case in your house?  Well, as a father, it is my job to set things right and let the man-cubs know that crying just isn’t the manly thing to do.  Or is it?  I usually pull out the “man up” speech when I am tired, and struggling with patience.  But in my wiser moments, a conversation with my boys can go something like this:

Me: Why are you crying, son?

Number 3: [Brother 1, 2, or 4] took away my sword [insert any of the following: ran into me, won't let me have the car, isn't sharing the book]!

Me: Did you talk to him about it?

Number 3: “No, but”…[insert long explanation why he really deserves to have the sword.]

Me: “Son, is that really worth crying over?  Should your happiness really depend on what toy you have?”

Number 3: “No.” [sullen tone]

Me: [Insert drawn out conversation about how to communicate in an honorable way...] “It’s not fun when someone takes something away from us, but, son, of all the things we cry about, do you know what is actually worth crying over?”

Number 3: “What?”

Me: “A man should cry when he has sinned against someone else.  Our sin should makes us sad.  We should cry when someone else is hurting. Sadness over your brother’s sin is right too, because we should be grieved when our brother fails to honor God.”

At this point, it is questionable whether Number 3, at the tender age of 4 is understanding anything I say, but that’s alright.  My philosophy is, tell them early and tell them often because you never know when it will click, or stick.

I often find myself telling the boys about manhood, about the many challenges they will face and the decision they will one day make. My desire, as a father, is not to raise boys who are tough enough to never break down or be emotional, but to raise boys who are emotional about the right things, and are broken down over their own sin. I want to raise boys who are not ruled by emotion, but by the Truth that should govern that emotion.

So should boys cry?  The shortest verse in the Bible says they should.

It says of the manliest man that ever lived: “Jesus wept.”  Why would he weep over Lazarus when He knew that He was going to raise him from the dead?  The story doesn’t answer that question explicitly, but I have a suggestion for our Savior’s weeping: sin.  Jesus wept over sin.  It was sin that killed Lazarus.  It was for sin that Christ died.  If we teach our boys (and girls) to do the same, we will be successful parents!  “Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted.”

It’s “Raising Boys” Week at GraceLaced! As you know, this particular theme is dear and significant in my daily life. I hope you will check in all week as we will visit a different aspect of raising boys every day, including a special guest post by The Preacher tomorrow, and a much anticipated guest post from the wonderful Ashley Ann from Under the Sycamore on Thursday! Endless hours could be dedicated to the topic of Raising Boys, and surely, we will only scratch the surface, but I pray this week will be an encouragement to you, whoever the little boys are that you call special in your life.

All boys have imaginations. Not all boys foster the ability to use them. Sometimes what appears to be an imagination is not really what the dictionary defines as: “the faculty or action of forming new ideas, or images or concepts of external objects not present to the senses,“ but rather, a mere mimicking of what is readily accessible in movies, or media. Raising boys who enjoy creating, inventing, and expressing what is in their minds’ eye, is less than commonplace in a world that overstimulates our children’s senses to the point of extinction. So how do we foster our boys’ imaginations? Here’s a list to get you started….I’m sure you’ll have plenty more to add to these 10 if you use your imagination…

1. Send them outside. Don’t underestimate wide open spaces with “nothing” to do.

2. Boy need dress-up boxes too. (Think historical and heroic figures, not merely comic superheros!)

3. Offer simple toys that don’t require batteries. Simplicity = a means to an end (the end being their imaginations). Bells and whistles = a dead end.

4. Rotate toys; don’t make all toys available all the time.

5. Read stories to your boys that you enjoy listening to. If you don’t think there’s strong literary character development in a book, they won’t develop character as a result of listening to it.

6. Consider quantity and quality of television and movie viewing. Always read a book before watching the movie.

7. Buy them a journal and pencil-case filled with freshly sharpened pencils.

8. Encourage siblings to play together, rather than independently from one another. (Imagination is often a function of collaboration.)

9. Take any opportunity to teach them a skill: learning to fish, to shoot a bow and arrow, or to use a wrench, feeds the imagination unlike anything merely observed.

10. Give them your full attention when your boys try to describe “the coolest thing” they’ve come up with. You’ll be telling them their imagination is as fascinating as they believe it is. And that fosters more use of their imagination.

Have a wonderful Monday, and see you tomorrow!